I don't understand why it didn't work, me trying to commit suicide last time. I had to fucking tell Shaun, and he had to fucking take me to the hospital. Don't be stupid, I won't kill myself or anything, I just think my life would've been so much easier if I died that night instead of what I've had to suffer since then. I wish I didn't find out I was pregnant then. No, I wish that Shaun would've understood that the reason I was happy about the baby was the fact that it was his and my baby, not because I was having a baby. I was so happy that him and I were pregnant, I really was. It wasn't the fact that I was going to have a baby. If I were going through it alone, I know that I would not have been excited like I was. My love for Shaun made me love, and want that baby even more, but he was to blind to realize it. So he had to want an abortion, but for those of you with a republican mentality, don't fret, I had a miscarriage. Yeah, on my dead fathers birthday. Just thinking about that, just typing it right now is making me cry so hard... I have been crying so much tonight... my pillow is completely soaked. I miss my dad so much, and Shaun and I do nothing but fight, it's my fault really, I'm so depressed about losing the baby... I know Shaun didn't even want it anyways, but at least when I was still pregnant, there was always the chance that Shaun would change his mind. I actually thought about leaving him, so I could have the baby and not worry about ruining his life. Sometimes I wish I did that. Moved to Arizona, live near my uncle... he would've always made sure I was safe and happy, and that my baby was taken care of. My heart hurts so bad right now... I am so sick of life.